A tense conversation can turn foggy fast. One minute, you are explaining what you remember, what you need, or why you are saying no. The next, you are defending yourself against guilt, confusion, or a twisted version of what happened.
Behavioral researcher Shadé Zahrai says one simple phrase can help slow that spiral down. Writing for CNBC Make It, she recommends saying, “That’s interesting. Tell me more.” It sounds almost too plain, but the power is in the pause.
A calmer way to respond
Manipulative people often depend on speed. They push, accuse, deny, or pressure you before you have time to think clearly.
Zahrai’s phrase works because it does not give the other person the emotional reaction they may be fishing for. “That’s interesting” shows you heard the comment without agreeing with it, while “Tell me more” moves the conversation toward specifics.
That matters. In everyday life, whether at work, in a relationship, or during a family disagreement over dinner, the first instinct is often to explain too much. But overexplaining can pull you deeper into the trap.
Why this phrase works
What happens when you do not take the bait? For the most part, the conversation loses some of its heat.
Zahrai explains that “That’s interesting” signals calm attention, not panic. It tells the other person, in effect, “I heard you, and I’m not rattled.”
The second part, “Tell me more,” is just as important. It asks the person to clarify their claim, which can expose weak logic, vague accusations, or contradictions without turning the exchange into a shouting match.
Be careful with why questions
Zahrai also warns against relying too heavily on “why” questions. Even when you mean them calmly, they can sound like an attack.
Instead, she recommends open “what” questions, such as “What makes you say that?” or “What led you to that conclusion?” These questions are less likely to trigger defensiveness.
It is a small shift, but a useful one. “Why are you saying that?” can sound like a fight. “What makes you say that?” sounds more like a request for facts.
When someone gaslights you
Gaslighting is not just ordinary disagreement. The American Psychological Association defines it as manipulating someone into doubting their perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events.
A gaslighter might say, “I never said that. You’re remembering it wrong.” In that moment, Zahrai suggests answering, “That’s interesting. Tell me more about how you remember it.”
Then comes the boundary. You might add, “That’s not how I remember it,” or “Let’s ask someone else who was there.” The point is not to win the argument instantly. It is to keep your footing.
When guilt is the hook
Guilt-tripping works by making a decision feel like a moral failure. We have all heard some version of it.
Someone might say, “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” That line puts the focus on your supposed ingratitude instead of the actual request.
Zahrai’s suggested answer is, “That’s interesting. What makes you say that?” From there, a person can respond with something firm but respectful, such as “I appreciate what you’ve done, and this is still my decision.”
When care becomes pressure
Subtle coercion can be harder to spot because it often hides behind affection. A person might say, “If you really cared, you’d agree with me.”
That kind of sentence tries to tie love, loyalty, or kindness to obedience. It narrows the conversation until disagreement starts to look like betrayal.
A calmer reply could be, “That’s interesting. What makes you think that?” Then comes the reset. “Caring doesn’t always mean we have to agree on everything.” Simple. Clear. Harder to twist.
Boundaries need more than words
A good phrase can help, but it is not magic. If someone repeatedly denies your reality, pressures you, or punishes you for saying no, the issue may be bigger than one difficult conversation.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline describes gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse that can cause a person to question their feelings, instincts, and sanity, giving the abusive partner more power.
The CDC also notes that intimate partner violence can include psychological aggression, including communication meant to harm someone emotionally or exert control. That is why safety matters. If there are threats, stalking, violence, or fear, a trusted professional or emergency support may be needed.
A small pause can protect clarity
At the end of the day, Zahrai’s advice is not about sounding clever. It is about staying grounded when someone else is trying to pull you into confusion.
“That’s interesting. Tell me more” gives your brain a second to catch up. It also asks the other person to put their claim into clearer words, where manipulation often has less room to hide.
In difficult conversations, composure can be stronger than confrontation. Sometimes the healthiest response is not a dramatic comeback, but a calm question that brings the facts back into the room.
The original article was published on CNBC Make It.
