When someone opens up and asks what you think, it’s tempting to jump in with an opinion. Maybe you’ve been through something similar or think you see the big picture more clearly. However, research suggests that offering your opinion might not be as useful as you think.

Instead of giving advice, a better approach is to ask questions that help the other person clarify their own thinking. According to recent research, people respond more productively when they’re guided through their decision-making process rather than told what to do. Here, we’ll explain why that works and how to do it.

Why opinions aren’t always helpful

When someone asks for your opinion, they usually aren’t looking for your conclusions. Most have already done a lot of thinking, and what they need is clarity, not more noise. That’s one reason why the opinion often falls flat. It doesn’t match the complexity of the situation or the emotional weight behind it.

Harvard researchers found that feedback, especially when it feels like judgment, can limit someone’s ability to see a better future or take meaningful action. Instead of feeling supported, people often feel evaluated. That can make them defensive or disengaged.

When we give our opinion, we’re also inserting our own biases and blind spots into someone else’s situation. We don’t know their full story—their values, stressors, relationships, or long-term goals, which makes any judgment incomplete by default.

Other studies show we tend to filter out the opinions we don’t like. We rationalize them, forget them, or quietly reject them. Even good feedback can fade quickly if it doesn’t align with what we believe about ourselves. This is why opinions often fail to land, no matter how well-intended they are.

What to do instead of simply giving your opinion

If someone asks for your opinion—or if you’re tempted to offer it without being asked—try this instead: help them ask better questions. This shifts the focus away from your point of view and back to their needs. Here are a few ways to do that:

Ask open questions. Instead of saying “I think you should…”, ask, “What would a good outcome look like for you?”
Stay neutral. Avoid questions that push someone toward a specific answer. Let them explore their own reasoning.
Help them clarify values. Ask what matters most in the situation. What are they willing to compromise, and what aren’t they?
Encourage reflection. Ask how past experiences shape their current thinking. What patterns are showing up?
Explore consequences. Help them think through different outcomes without proposing a decision for them.

This type of approach gives the other person space to think things through without pressure. It shows respect, and it helps them build confidence in their decision-making skills.

You don’t need to have all the answers. In fact, that’s the point. Your role is to be a sounding board, not a consultant. The better you are at asking thoughtful questions, the more useful you’ll be, and the more likely your friend or colleague will walk away with more clarity.