Parenting often comes with a script passed down through generations—short, snappy lines that dads use to teach discipline, set limits, or end an argument. But some of those familiar “dad sayings” don’t age well. According to parenting experts, some phrases might seem harmless, yet they can send the wrong message to kids and damage trust over time.
While these sayings might once have worked to keep order, today’s research suggests they can shut down communication. Experts explain that how parents talk to children shapes emotional intelligence, self-esteem, and problem-solving skills. That’s why understanding what certain phrases communicate—and finding better alternatives—can make all the difference.
Why “Because I said so” may be doing more harm than good
For decades, “Because I said so” has been a classic go-to for dads everywhere. It’s efficient, authoritative, and usually ends a conversation fast. But experts now say that this phrase can send an unintended message: that children’s curiosity, reasoning, or opinions don’t matter.
Parenting specialists note that while parents do need authority, relying on “Because I said so” too often teaches kids to obey out of fear rather than understanding. Over time, that can weaken communication and make children less likely to share what they’re thinking or feeling.
A recent parenting study found that when parents explain their reasoning—even briefly—children are more cooperative and show higher emotional awareness. Instead of shutting down the discussion, experts suggest rephrasing it as: “Here’s why this rule is important,” or “You may not agree, but I’m keeping this rule because it keeps you safe.”
Of course, there are exceptions. In moments of danger or urgency, a firm “Because I said so” might be necessary—like stopping a child from running into the street. But when it becomes the default answer, it can erode trust instead of reinforcing respect.
Other classic dad sayings to retire — and what to say instead
Many familiar “dad phrases” were meant to correct behavior quickly but can actually create guilt, fear, or confusion. Here are a few that parenting experts suggest letting go of:
- “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”
This one teaches kids to hide emotions rather than process them. A better option: “It’s okay to feel sad or upset. Tell me what’s going on.” - “What’s wrong with you?”
It targets the child instead of the behavior. Try: “That’s not like you. Help me understand what happened.” - “I’m disappointed in you”
This can make a child feel unloved. Instead, separate the behavior from the person: “I’m disappointed in that choice, but I know you can do better.” - “You’re making me crazy”
This puts the parent’s frustration on the child. Replace it with: “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I need a minute, and then we’ll talk.” - “What were you thinking?”
Especially for kids who act impulsively, this can feel shaming. Try: “Let’s rewind and figure out what was happening before that.”
Parenting experts stress that updating these old sayings isn’t about being overly cautious—it’s about being intentional. Words carry weight, especially when they come from a parent. The goal is to guide, not to silence; to correct, not to control.