A Harvard study suggests that becoming more likable in everyday conversations doesn’t require charm or storytelling skills. Instead, it comes down to a single, simple question that sparks connection and makes people feel heard.
The findings show that this question consistently boosts how others perceive you, whether you’re meeting a new coworker, chatting with friends, or even going on a first date. Yet most people overlook it, missing a surprisingly effective way to leave a better impression.
What is the question that makes people more likable?
According to the Harvard research, the key question is “Where are you from?”. While it seems basic, the study found that this opener works as a powerful gateway to connection because it shows immediate interest in the other person’s background and story. Instead of focusing on yourself, you invite your partner to share something personal, which sets the tone for a more engaging exchange.
But the researchers didn’t stop at identifying this opener. They discovered that what truly drives likability is the follow-up. Asking “Where are you from?” and then probing further—like “What was it like growing up there?” or “Do you still visit often?”—signals responsiveness, a quality that makes people feel understood, validated, and cared for.
The study, conducted by Karen Huang and colleagues at Harvard University and Harvard Business School, tested live conversations in different contexts, from online exchanges to face-to-face speed dating. Across the board, people who asked more questions, particularly follow-ups, were rated as more likable and even had higher chances of securing a second date.
Why follow-up questions matter more than the opener
While “Where are you from?” is a strong starting point, the research shows that the real difference comes when the conversation doesn’t stop there. High question-askers use follow-ups to keep the other person talking, showing they are truly listening rather than waiting for their own turn to speak.
For example, if someone says they’re from Chicago, a follow-up like “What’s your favorite part about living there?” instantly deepens the exchange. This creates a sense of responsiveness, which the Harvard team identified as the main driver of likability. People who feel listened to and validated naturally form warmer impressions of their conversation partner.
Interestingly, despite its clear effect, most people underestimate the power of asking questions. Many assume that sharing more about themselves—through stories, humor, or achievements—will make them seem engaging. But the data show the opposite: turning the spotlight outward leaves a stronger mark.
Other questions that increase likability
Beyond “Where are you from?”, the study points to other simple but effective questions that build rapport. Some examples include:
- “What do you enjoy most about your work?” – This encourages people to talk about passions or achievements.
- “What do you like to do in your free time?” – A broad but engaging way to invite someone to share interests.
- “What was your experience like living there?” – A natural follow-up that adds depth to the opener.
- “How did you get interested in that?” – A responsive question that highlights genuine curiosity.
Each of these, especially when followed by attentive prompts, strengthens the perception of responsiveness and leads to higher likability.