Persuasion and agreement building are key skills in daily and professional life. Although they are often associated with charisma or personality, these qualities are not essential for successful communication. And for those who were not aware, they are closely linked to emotional intelligence. According to recent research, emotionally intelligent people are able to influence more effectively through the strategic use of their language. Here’s what’s next.
What is the relationship between emotional intelligence, words and persuasion?
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology reveals that the impact of the words we use can be decisive in how others perceive us. In particular, the choice of certain pronouns seems to have a direct effect on responsiveness, a key variable in social dynamics.
The study led by Mohamed A. Hussein and Zakary L. Tormala, researchers at Stanford University, analyzed how pronouns shape perceptions in situations of disagreement.
The results were conclusive: second-person pronouns, such as “you” or “you,” can be perceived as aggressive or unresponsive, especially in adversarial contexts. In contrast, first person plural pronouns, such as ‘we’, generate a greater sense of openness and collaboration.
According to the authors, ‘perceived responsiveness’ is an essential element for successful communication. This concept refers to the willingness others perceive in us to listen, understand and value their opinions. The research showed that people who appear receptive are more persuasive, generate greater interest in future interactions, and reduce the likelihood of censure.
The study concludes that applying these small adjustments in language can make a big difference in how others perceive us, especially in challenging situations. In a world where social interaction is key to personal and professional success, the conscious use of words and pronouns can be a determining factor.
3 key words that enhance emotional intelligence
The language used in contexts of disagreement or negotiation has a significant impact. To improve receptivity and persuasiveness, the study suggests prioritizing certain expressions:
- ‘We’: this pronoun encourages a sense of unity and cooperation. For example, instead of saying “you need to improve this process”, you can opt for “we can work together to optimize this process”.
- Self-responsibility phrases, such as ‘it was me’: admitting one’s own mistakes rather than generalizing them increases confidence. For example, ‘I made a mistake’ is more effective than ‘we made a mistake’.
- Collaborative statements, such as ‘maybe’: change “this isn’t working because you didn’t understand it” to “maybe I didn’t explain this in the best way”.
These formulas not only smooth out possible tensions, but also improve the quality of interactions, demonstrating openness and empathy, pillars of emotional intelligence.
When and how to use “you”
Although the pronoun “you” can be counterproductive in conflict situations, its use is beneficial in positive contexts. For example, recognizing someone’s achievements or highlighting their ideas works best with a direct approach: “you provided a great solution” or “you deserve credit for this outcome.”
In this regard, research underscores that context is decisive. While in a tense environment the “you” can intensify confrontation, in a supportive and complimentary environment it strengthens relationships and builds trust.
Practical strategies for becoming a more persuasive person
The use of these strategies not only improves communication, but also strengthens interpersonal relationships. According to experts, persuasive language based on emotional intelligence has a double benefit: it helps reach agreements and builds a more receptive and accessible personal image.
Here are some practical strategies:
- Avoid imposition: phrases such as “you should do this” can be replaced with “we can consider this alternative.” This reduces resistance and encourages more constructive dialogue.
- Use “we” strategically: this pronoun should be used sincerely and in situations where there is a shared interest. Otherwise, it may be perceived as manipulative or artificial.
- Assume mistakes: instead of saying “we forgot”, it is more effective to admit “I forgot”. This strengthens the perception of responsibility and maturity.
- Transform criticism into self-criticism: changing “you’re not understanding” to “maybe I’m not explaining myself well” helps keep the focus on the solution, not the problem.