Gifted children often think and feel differently from their peers. Their quick reasoning, curiosity, and sensitivity can make parenting them both rewarding and challenging. Experts warn that certain phrases, though common in everyday parenting, can have a negative impact when directed at highly capable kids.
One phrase in particular—”that’s not the point right now“—can be especially harmful. Spanish coaching expert and mum Ana Araujo explains that children with high abilities often hear this at school or at home when they share unexpected ideas. Here, we’ll look at why this phrase undermines gifted children, what to say instead, and other expressions experts recommend avoiding to protect their self-esteem.
Why “that’s not the point right now” can damage gifted children
Telling a gifted child “that’s not the point right now” when they speak up sends the message that their contributions don’t matter. For children who are already aware of their differences, this dismissal can amplify feelings of isolation. As they tend to process information quickly and make connections adults might not expect, cutting them off can discourage creativity, self-expression, and curiosity.
Araujo emphasizes that every contribution deserves validation, even if it feels out of place in the moment. Instead of shutting a child down, parents and teachers can acknowledge the comment and redirect gently: “That’s interesting, let’s come back to it after this“. This approach recognizes the child’s input while maintaining structure, avoiding the unintentional harm of making them feel like their ideas are inappropriate or unwanted.
Gifted children also show asynchronous development, meaning their intellectual abilities may be advanced while their emotional or social skills develop at a different pace. Dismissing what they say can make them feel misunderstood and deepen emotional struggles. Simple changes in language—valuing their voice, timing, and perspective—will help them feel respected without undermining boundaries.
Other phrases to avoid with gifted kids
This isn’t the only expression that can chip away at a gifted child’s confidence. Experts in child psychology and education highlight other phrases that parents and teachers should avoid. Let’s take a look at a few:
- “You can’t answer this one”: Silencing a child because they know the answer discourages participation and curiosity. Rotating turns fairly is better than excluding them outright.
- “Wait your turn” (said repeatedly): Many gifted children finish tasks quickly. Constantly telling them to wait can lead to boredom and disengagement.
- “You can’t be the leader”: Preventing them from taking initiative can stunt social growth. Instead, rotate roles positively without singling them out.
- “Don’t exaggerate” or “it’s not a big deal“: Gifted children are often highly sensitive. Minimizing their feelings makes them doubt their emotions, while validating their reactions, even if they seem intense, is more supportive.
- “Do it this way, not that way”: Trying to control how they approach a task can suppress creativity. Flexibility allows them to explore new methods and ideas.
Gifted children thrive when their strengths are recognized and their challenges understood. Avoiding dismissive phrases and replacing them with acknowledgment and guidance can make the difference between a child who feels stifled and one who feels empowered.