Raising mentally strong kids is an important step in preparing them to handle life’s ups and downs with confidence. Parents often want to shield their children from discomfort, believing they are helping. But according to psychotherapist Amy Morin, this well-intentioned habit can do more harm than good.
Morin, a clinical social worker and author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, explains that one key habit separates mentally strong kids from those who struggle with challenges. It’s not about being tough or hiding emotions but about how they learn to handle how they feel on their own.
Letting kids take responsibility for their emotions
One of the most important things parents can do is teach their children to regulate their own emotions. When they manage their kids’ feelings for them—cheering them up instantly, stepping in to calm them, or fixing problems too quickly—they prevent them from developing essential coping skills.
Instead of immediately soothing or distracting a child when they’re upset, parents should guide them in managing emotions independently. Kids who learn to navigate frustration, sadness, and disappointment become more resilient and gain confidence in their ability to handle setbacks.
How parents can foster emotional strength in their kids
Raising mentally strong children requires a balance of support and independence. Here are a few ways parents can help their children build emotional resilience:
- Normalize difficult emotions: Kids need to know that feeling sad, frustrated, or angry is normal. Instead of dismissing their emotions, validate them by saying: “It’s okay to feel upset. That means you care about this”. When children understand the way they feel is a part of life, they become less afraid of them.
- Encourage problem-solving: When a child faces a challenge, ask guiding questions instead of fixing things immediately. Say something like: “I see you’re really upset. What do you think we can do to make things better?”. This helps them develop critical thinking skills.
- Teach coping skills: Help kids build a personal toolkit of strategies for handling strong emotions. This might include deep breathing, journaling, listening to music, or taking a short break. When parents demonstrate healthy ways to handle stress it sets a powerful example and practicing these skills together reinforces their effectiveness.
- Set boundaries while validating feelings: It’s okay for kids to express themselves, but they need to do it in a socially appropriate way. If they lash out, calmly remind them: “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to yell at your brother”. Then, redirect them to a coping strategy.
- Recognize and praise progress: When a child handles emotions well, acknowledge their effort. Simple phrases like: “I noticed you took a deep breath when you were frustrated, that’s great!” fortify positive behavior and build confidence.
By stepping back and allowing kids to experience and process what they feel, parents equip them with skills that will benefit them for a lifetime. They’ll grow into adults who can face challenges, solve problems effectively, and build healthy relationships, all key ingredients for a successful and fulfilling life.