Good parenting isn’t about shielding children from every challenge, but equipping them with the tools to navigate life’s ups and downs. According to Kelsey Mora, a child life specialist and therapist who has worked with thousands of children and families, emotional intelligence is a key factor in helping kids cope effectively with stress, trauma, and daily struggles.
Children with high emotional intelligence display a remarkable ability to identify their feelings and manage them constructively. They learn these skills through observation, practice, and the supportive guidance of trusted adults. Here are six phrases emotionally intelligent kids use and why they matter:
1. “I made a mistake”
Children who admit their mistakes without fear of judgment demonstrate emotional maturity. Instead of dwelling on failure, they focus on solutions and growth. This self-reflective attitude stems from an environment where mistakes are seen as opportunities to learn. They might say, “I’ll try a different way next time”, showing a willingness to improve and adapt.
2. “I need some space”
Recognizing when they need a moment to process emotions is a strong indicator of self-awareness. Kids who use this phrase understand their triggers and have strategies to regulate their emotions. Whether they retreat to a quiet spot or engage in calming activities, these children practice self-care, a skill often modeled by emotionally aware parents.
3. “Are you okay?”
Empathy is at the heart of emotional intelligence. Children who ask this question can recognize when others are upset and offer support in a way that feels natural. They’ve learned to respect different coping styles and understand that everyone handles emotions differently. This fosters deeper connections with peers and family members.
4. “I don’t like…”
Setting boundaries is an essential life skill. Saying phrases like: “I don’t like when you take my things without asking” or “I’m not okay with being teased”, demonstrates children’s ability to communicate their needs clearly. They also respect others’ boundaries, making them thoughtful friends and siblings. This skill develops through positive reinforcement and open family discussions about respect and communication.
5. “It’s okay to be sad”
Kids who are comfortable expressing sadness, anger, or frustration understand that all emotions are valid. They’ve been taught that it’s okay to cry and that tough times don’t last forever. These children balance acknowledging their feelings with finding moments of joy, even during difficult circumstances. This perspective encourages resilience and emotional flexibility.
6. “I have an idea”
Confidence in problem-solving is another hallmark of emotional intelligence. Children who voice their ideas without hesitation are learning to trust their instincts while collaborating with others. They approach challenges creatively and feel empowered to make decisions. This confidence grows in environments that value their input and celebrate effort over perfection.
If your child isn’t using these phrases yet, don’t worry. Emotional intelligence is a skill that develops over time with consistent modeling and encouragement. Start by using these phrases in your own conversations. Show them it’s okay to admit mistakes, ask for space, and express emotions. Kids learn best by observing trusted adults, so your actions can set the foundation for their emotional growth.