Raising resilient kids can feel like a puzzle for many parents. It’s possible that Jennifer Breheny Wallace, a journalist and parenting expert, might have found a key piece to solve it. After interviewing over 100 parents and top researchers, Wallace uncovered a profound insight that could transform how we think about parenting.
Her research highlights that prioritizing your own emotional and physical well-being is crucial to raising resilient kids. This might feel counterintuitive, especially in a culture that celebrates self-sacrifice in parenting. But the truth is that parents who prioritize themselves create a stronger foundation for their children’s emotional and psychological health. Let’s see it in more detail.
The key to raising resilient kids
Wallace’s research led her to one standout conclusion: A child’s resilience is deeply tied to their caregiver’s resilience. In other words, when parents take care of themselves, they’re better equipped to be present, patient, and supportive. Conversely, when parents are overwhelmed by stress or burnout, it’s hard to provide the emotional availability that kids need.
Psychologists have a term for this: “proximal separation“. It refers to a situation where parents are physically present but emotionally distant due to stress, anxiety, or depression. Children, who are naturally perceptive, may misinterpret these moments of distraction as signs that something is wrong with them, leading to emotional challenges. By focusing on their resilience, parents can avoid this and create a stronger connection with their kids.
Actionable tips for parents
Here are some practical steps to support your child’s journey:
- Assess your feelings daily: Take a moment each day to ask, “How am I feeling today?”. Identifying your emotions is the first step to managing them. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reach out to a friend or loved one for support.
- Make time for activities that reduce stress: Even 15 minutes of daily downtime can make a difference. Whether it’s sipping tea, reading a book, taking a walk, or meditating, prioritize activities that recharge your energy and make them part of your routine.
- Build a support system: Wallace’s research also highlights the importance of community in building resilience, not just for parents, but for children, too. Partner with other parents to share school drop-offs and prepare and share meals, freeing up valuable time for everyone. If you can’t attend a child’s event, lean on other parents to take videos or share updates. This ensures no child feels unsupported, even when life gets busy.
- Seek professional help if needed: There’s no shame in seeking therapy or counseling. It’s an investment in your health and your family’s future.
Parenting is one of life’s toughest and most rewarding challenges. But as Wallace’s research shows, taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s an essential part of the process. By prioritizing your well-being, you not only become a more resilient parent but also lay the groundwork for your child’s future health. Remember that parenting isn’t a solo journey; lean on your community and build relationships that support both you and your child and you’ll create a stronger foundation for your entire family.