When someone dominates every conversation with stories about themselves, it’s not just annoying—it might be a red flag for something deeper. According to psychologists, compulsive self-focus in conversations is often a sign of poor social awareness and underdeveloped communication skills. It’s not always rooted in narcissism. Sometimes, it’s simply a lack of practice in the art of genuine dialogue.
Here, we’ll look at why some people can’t stop talking about themselves. We’ll also cover a few ways to handle these situations without losing your patience. Research shows this behavior often stems from a mix of personal habits, cultural influence, and emotional needs. Psychologist Sidney Jourard called it “irresponsible self-expressiveness”, where people confuse dumping words with making a connection.
Why some people only talk about themselves
People who constantly talk about themselves aren’t necessarily egomaniacs. More often, they’re just unaware. They lack the basic social skill of turn-taking, a rule most of us learn in kindergarten. These “talkaholics” often don’t pick up on the subtle cues—shifting body language, slower nods, glazed-over eyes, or looking at the phone—that signal someone else wants to speak or isn’t engaged.
One big reason for this behavior is cultural. In word-heavy societies like the US, fast talkers are often seen as smart and charismatic. This can reinforce the idea that the more you speak, the more impressive you seem. In reality, the opposite is usually true: good listeners tend to make the best conversationalists.
Some people are driven by a deep need to be heard, and mistake attention for connection, while others are just socially clumsy—they don’t realize that conversations aren’t monologues. They may over-explain or include too many pointless details, not realizing their audience has checked out. And when people don’t get clear feedback, they keep going, unaware that they’ve lost their listener.
There’s also what experts call “shift-response”: the habit of constantly shifting the conversation back to themself. This makes room for their story, their opinion, and their experience while squeezing others out. These people may believe they’re relating to you, but what they’re doing is talking over you.
How to deal with self-absorbed talkers
Once you recognize the behavior, it’s easier to respond. The goal isn’t to shame the person but to protect your time and energy while steering the conversation toward something more mutual. Here’s how:
- Speak up. Say something like “Can I pause you for a second? I’d like to share my take, too”. It can feel awkward, but it’s better than staying silent and feeling overwhelmed.
- Use questions. Ask someone else in the group for their opinion. It redistributes attention and can subtly remind the talker that others exist.
- Set limits. If you’re trapped in a one-on-one chat, say you need to get going or have something to finish. You don’t need to justify it.
- Change the topic. Steer the conversation toward something neutral or inclusive, something more likely to engage others.
- If they ask “Am I talking too much?” be honest. It’s a rare chance to give gentle feedback.
Talking is supposed to build a bond, but when it’s one-sided, it does the opposite. People who over-talk often mean well; they just haven’t learned how to share space in a conversation. Being direct, not rude, is usually the kindest response. It might even help them get what they’re looking for: connection and not control.