The quiet drift often starts without a fight. One canceled drink turns into six months of silence, the group chat goes stale, and suddenly a man realizes he has not seen an old friend in a year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is the problem raised by German journalist Max Scharnigg in an interview with NRC, and discussed by developmental psychologist Marianne Simons on Villa VdB. Her main point is simple but uncomfortable: for many men over 40, friendship no longer runs on autopilot. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It has to be planned, protected, and kept alive on purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When people are young, friendship is built into daily life. School, sports, college, weekend plans, and shared neighborhoods put the same people in the same places again and again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The psychologist explained that this structure changes in adulthood. Work, partners, children, chores, and tired evenings take over, and the old \u201cwe\u2019ll run into each other\u201d model stops working. NPO Radio 1\u2019s report described this as a shift from effortless contact to deliberate maintenance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That sounds obvious, but it matters. A friendship that once survived on habit can fade when nobody sends the first message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Men are not necessarily less attached to their friends. The issue is often how those friendships are maintained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Women, according to the discussion, tend to keep more one-on-one contact through calls, short messages, and emotional check-ins. Men more often build friendships around shared activities<\/a>, like sports, meals, hobbies, or group meetups. When the activity disappears, the friendship can lose its main engine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This isn\u2019t to say a man doesn\u2019t still value a friend deeply, but he often has no easy routine for staying close. No game, no regular beer, no commute together. Then what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n The concern is not just anecdotal. In the United States, the Survey Center on American Life reported in 2021 that the share of men with at least six close friends fell from 55% in 1990 to 27% in 2021. The share of men with no close friends rose from 3% to 15% over the same period.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That is a big social change, not just a personal failure. The same research found that women were much more likely than men to report receiving emotional support from a friend in the previous week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So the issue is not only \u201chaving buddies.\u201d It is whether those friendships are close enough to carry real life, including stress, grief, family trouble, health worries, and the boring stuff that fills an ordinary Tuesday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Friendship can sound soft compared with work, money, or family responsibilities. But health agencies increasingly treat social connection<\/a> as part of well-being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says about 1 in 3 adults in the U.S. report feeling lonely, and about 1 in 4 report not having social and emotional support. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The agency also links loneliness<\/a> and social isolation with higher risk of depression, anxiety, heart disease, stroke, dementia, and earlier death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The World Health Organization<\/a> has made a similar point, warning in 2025 that social isolation can affect people across age groups and that connection can protect mental and physical health. <\/p>\n\n\n\n That does not mean every quiet weekend is a crisis, but over time, disconnection can become a health issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A 2023 systematic review in Frontiers in Psychology looked at adult friendship and well-being across 38 studies. It found that adult friendship was generally linked with better well-being, while friendship quality and the effort to maintain the bond appeared to matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That last part is the part many adults forget. Friendship is not only about history, it is also about repeated contact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Think of it like a garden, not a trophy. You do not keep it alive by remembering how good it looked 10 years ago. You water it now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The solution does not have to be dramatic. The psychologist\u2019s advice was blunt and human. When someone thinks it is a shame that he has not seen an important friend in a long time, that thought itself is a reason to reach out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A text is enough to start. So is a short call, a walk, a coffee, a regular lunch, or a standing plan once a month. It may feel awkward the first time, especially for men who are used to friendship happening in groups, but small contact often lowers the pressure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The point is not to turn every friendship into therapy. Sometimes the best opening line is just, \u201cI realized we haven\u2019t talked in ages.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Midlife is crowded. There are deadlines, school pickups, aging parents, bills, traffic, house repairs, and the kind of tiredness that makes even simple plans feel heavy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But that is exactly why friendships need a place on the calendar. Not because men are bad at caring, but because adult life is good at burying anything that is not scheduled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At the end of the day, the message is clear. Friends may still matter as much as ever, but after 40, they usually need more than good intentions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The official report has been published by NPO Radio 1<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The quiet drift often starts without a fight. One canceled drink turns into six months of silence, the group chat … <\/p>\nThe numbers show a wider problem<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Loneliness is not harmless<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Read More: If a pigeon keeps hanging around your house, something more interesting than you think may be going on<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
Good friendships need maintenance<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
What men can do<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Read More: Blending potato peels with baking soda sounds bizarre, but more and more people are doing it for a reason<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
The real lesson after 40<\/h2>\n\n\n\n